Ask Helen

Grandparents And Grandchildren Need One Another

BY Helen Shaham

Q.My parents, who are in their late80’s, are looking for a home for their retirement years. For years, they talked about retiring to a dream home in the western area of the country. But now that retirement is at hand, they are considering a community near our home so they can be near their grandchildren.We think they ought to follow their dreams and head west. However, they think it’s important to be close to their grandchildren so they can keep up close relationship. Are close relationships between grandchildren and grandparents important?

A.What a wonderful question especially since Grandparent’s Day is Sunday, September 12th.

First, let me compliment your parents for realizing such relationships are importantand for their willingness to make decisions that maintain the relationshipbetween them and their grandchildren. While most grandparents want to be close to their grandchildren, today’s mobile society often creates wide geographic distances between family generations.

The relationship between a child and grandparents is a unique and special one.For starters, the job of primary caregiver/parent is a difficult, multifaceted one. Parents have to be concerned with child’s education, discipline, health, security 24/7. Grandparents, on the other hand, really only have one agenda: love and nurture. They don’t have to be con-distinction because it eliminates the emotional conflict that comes with theparent-child relationship. The child-grandparent relationship has little conflict and lots of love.

Second, grandparents don’t have many of the time constraints and stress that parents face on a daily basis. When apparent is spending time with a child,thoughts of work, finances, committee meetings, groceries and social obligations are close at hand. As a result,the quality of the time is often hindered. Because they are often retired and more financially settled, grandparents are less likely to be distracted or experience interruptions while engaged with grandchildren. And, grandparents just have more time to spend with the grandchildren so a grandparent’s lap is always welcoming.

Grandparents also offer children a sense of history and family. A strong relationship between a child and a grandparent teaches the child that family is a larger, more supportive concept than just Mom, Dad and siblings. Often it is during time spent with grandparents that children begin to learn about the family’history because grandparents are often more conscious of the family history and have more time to talk about it. The grandparents are the ones who are typically working on family genealogy.Here, at The Palace Suites, we have number of residents who have undertaken family genealogy research as a hobby.

Some of the happiest times for our residents are the times spent with grandchildren who visit regularly. We understand the importance of this relationship and we encourage grandchildren to visit as often as possible. We even plan special familyevents to encourage activities between grandparents and their grandchildren.Our computer labs are busy with grandparents communicating with their grandchildren via e-mail.

Grandparents and parents need to make special effort to celebrate Grandparent’sDay. More than just a “Hallmark of the role grandparents play in the lives of grandchildren.

Even older adults who may be far away from their own grandchildren can have big impact on children through various “Adopt-A-Grandparent,” or “Adopt-A-Grandchild” organizations around the country. A quick search of the internet will reveal a multitude of sites designed to link older folks and younger folks in a grandparent/grandchild type relationship.

These relationships also benefit the grandparents. It keeps them active and involved. As the children grow, grandparents get a flavor of what’s new and exciting in a child’s or young adult’sworld. At The Palace Suites we often find grandchildren teaching grandparents how to use the computers or showing them the latest dance steps.

I find it interesting and fitting that National Assisted Living Week follows just a week behind Grandparent’s Day since both are so closely linked to grandparents. Today’s active adults have great opportunities to live full and vital lives as active grandparents thanks to the variety of professional assisted living facilities available to them.

Helen Shaham and her husband Jacob have been operating retirement communities for nearly 30 years. The Palace Suites in Kendall is a luxury Independent Living Community for active seniors. In addition,The Palace at Kendall campus is home to two Assisted Living Residences and a Nursing & Rehab Center. They also operate The Palace Gardens assisted Living Community in Homestead, Homestead Manor Nursing Home and The Palace @Home, a Medicare Certified Home Health Agency. Their two newest projects are The Palace at Weston – luxury living for those55 and over, and The Palace Tel-Aviv, continuing care retirement community in Israel. They have two communities underdevelopment – The Palace at Weston Senior Living and The Palace at Coral Gables. More information can be found on the company website, www.thepalace.org by calling 305-270-7000.